So, since I'm a junior that is very, very close to becoming a senior, life has started to catch up with me, severely. It's as if I've been in some deserted island for 10 - 15 years and I suddenly came back to civilization. Like... like Morgan Freeman after he gets out of jail in The Shawshank Redemption. Yeah, that's a good metaphor. Anyway, it's so strange. All of my friends are up and going to college, moving across the country to go... I don't know, make something of themselves, and the ones that aren't going to college yet are still thinking about it pretty heavily. Here I am, in the middle of it, kind of dumbfounded. I know what I want to do. I want to write. But who the fuck goes to a college to learn how to write? I know how to write. I can write pretty well. College really isn't for me. It's too structured, too overbearing. I want to do what I want to do, and I don't want to feel like I should base my "career" on what works in the so called "job market". I'm not looking to write so I can make money, although that is a nice frosting on the cake; I want to write because... it's what I've always done. I've tried drawing, painting, songwriting, but I always come back to the written word. It's the one hobby that's really stayed with me. The one thing I've really, truly enjoyed doing. I'm not really worried about getting my stuff out there, that's not an issue. I guess what scares me is... well... lemme change paragraphs.
I guess what scares me is the fact that all of my friends are leaving. I know that shit like that is inevitable, but it's freaky. All of the friends I've made the past few years I've all met in high school. Ethan and Colby are the two exceptions to that rule. So, I barely get to know these people, if at all, and soon, WHISH! and they're gone. I mean sure, some of us can try to stay in contact or write letters, but let's face facts. Eventually we're going to lose contact. It's hard to keep up correspondence as you get older and you start to actually get kids and a job and a husband or wife. And at the end of the day, there's absolutely no way that the relationship is going to have that same impact that it did when you got to see each other, face to face, and you were close. You might write polite little letters but that's not nearly the same as calling someone up and chiling with them, watching films.
It's not really depressing... it's just sad. It's sad that we spend years and years cultivating relationships that, in the end, are futile. The only people you really stay constant with is your lover and your parents, and even then some people don't do that. Like now, all of my senior friends will be departing for college or a job or... whatever. Soon, it will be just me, Ethan, and Colby. However, Ethan plans to go to college too after he graduates his senior year, so he'll go off and do whatever, and then it will be me and Colby. It ends the same way it started. Like Steve-O says in SLC Punk!, "First two punks... last two punks."
But I guess it's useless to get depressed over something like this. After all, I have prospects with Arron, and I'll hopefully be moving in with him soon (depending on whether he moves to America or I move to England). And when you marry someone and move in together... it's sort of like the end of an era, like being born, like... like witnessing the end of a TV series only to come back in a spinoff where the focus is different. Yeah... great analogy...
So here I am, 17 years old, still pretty immature and confused, but thankfully, I'm not depressed. I understand what's going on and I understand why it has to happen. Emotionally, I'm almost at absolute peace with everyone. I don't know what else to say. I love all of you, and I implore you not to forget me.